In my intoxicated state...

Well currently being a few beers in right now, a couple things run through my mind. 1. Shit i have to wake up kinda early. 2. What an awesome night seeing my best friend. and 3. Why the fuck do i still care about the person who shattered me?

Focusing mostly on the 3rd part for right now, kinda Quentin Tarantino'ing it. Its amazing how you can be shoved into the dirt, dragged around, and left there and still want that person who did it all to you to come back. Why? It seems like it's an easy answer, fuck them! Love is a dangerous thing. 99.9% of the time no matter what in a relationship, someone will get hurt. I guess i should thank my lucky stars cause it hasn't happened but only twice to me. Needless to say it still hurts like murder. And thinking back on it, i feel like I'm being a little pussy. Yes i might be, but fuck i cant control my feelings. It hurts like none other.

I like to think that everything happens for a reason. Maybe I'm dealing with this because I've hurt people? i know i have, and i think its pretty easy to say that being on the opposite end is a lot easier to deal with the situation. Doing the damage is simple, being the one that has to pick up the pieces sucks. I'm sure this is all a lesson that my young grasshopper self will realize later down the road. Come on though, i could use a little help...

So #2. It's quite amazing to me how you can have a best friend for years. Someone who truly knows you inside and out. Be through complete ups and downs and still be there whenever you need them. You can get in horrible fights and not speak for months, and then randomly see each other and it's like it never happened. You can pick up right where you left off and reminisce about the "good ol' days," and still talk about the future. Kind of ironic to the state of our lives right now, i just lost someone and he just found someone. I may be a little jealous, but i can honestly say i couldn't be happier for him!

Finally, #1. Kinda clique I'm ending it like this. You know when you watch a movie, and the build up has slowly been getting better and better, and you're ready to for it to end in this amazing mind blowing way? well this wont. Sorry i have to get up and do some filming tomorrow for a project so I'm off to bed.

Nighty night, and sweet dreams. May tomorrow be an even better day that today!

Fuck it...

Things can seem so easy when they are going your way. The sun is shining, you have a girl next to you, and all is right with the world. When just a little something gets out of place, everything can seem to come crashing down. All that you had in control is gone. You may feel that you have nothing left. Whatever it was, has ripped you apart inside and out. It feels like you have fallen to a dark bottomless pit of no return. It may seem a little ironic, but once you hit the bottom, and all that you held so close and cared so much for is gone, you see a small, faint light in the distance. This little light may seem like a very insignificant object, but once you start to follow it you realize it's your way out.

When you feel like all hope is lost, look to the things you took for granted when you thought you had the world in your hands. Your close friends, family, hobbies, things that make you smile, laugh or happy. Letting these go to peruse something you think is better could be the biggest mistake of your life. The beautiful thing is, is that they will always be there for you when you fall down that pit to pull you back up. It is a long journey out, but everyday that light gets bigger and brighter.

There are so many things i want and wish to say to you, who pushed me down into this bottomless pit. But thank god that i have things that are more important than you to help me when i'm really in need. So to that i want to say "Fuck it..." I'm ready to get out of this dark pit you sent me in.

I Think We've All Been There...

Take a listen to "Fuck You Lucy" by Atmosphere... fill in the name and i'm sure you've been here before...


She said that she still wants a friendship
She cant live her life without me as a friend
I cant figure out why I'd give a damn to what she wants
I don't understand the now before the then

Most of this garbage I write
That these people seem to like
Is about you
And how I let you infect my life
And if they got to know you
I doubt that they would see it
They'd wonder what i showed you
How you could leave it
A friend in Chicago said that I should stay persistant
If I stay around, I'm bound to break resistance
Fuck you Lucy for defining my existence
Fuck you and your differences

Ever since I was a young lad
With a part time dad
It was hard to find happiness inside of what I had
I studied my mother
I digested her pain
And vowed no woman on my path would have to walk the same
Travel like sound across the fate ladder
I travel with spoon to mix this cake batter
And i travel with feels so i can deal with touch
Its like that
Thank you very much
Fuck you very much

Yes
Yes it is

And everyone in his life would mistake it as love
Everyone in his life would mistake it as love
Everyone in his life would mistake it as love

Fuck the what happend
I got stuck
They can peel pieces of me off the grill of her truck
Used to walk with luck
Used to hold her hand
Fell behind and played the role of a slower man
I wanna stand on top of this mountain and yell
I wanna wake up and break up this lake of hell
I feel like a bitch for letting the sheet twist me up
The last star fighter is wounded time to give it up
On a pick it up mission
Kept it bitter
Getting in a million memories just to forget her
The difficulty in keeping emotions controlled
Cookies for the road
Took me by the soul
Hunger for the drama
Hunger for the nurture
Gonna take it further
The hurt feels like murder
Interperate
The eyes
Read the lines on her face
The sunshine is fake
How much time did i waste?
Fuck you Lucy for leaving me
Fuck you Lucy for not needin me
I wanna say fuck you
Because I still love you
No, I'm not OK
And I don't know what to do


Yes
Yes it is
And everyone in his life would mistake it as love
Everyone in his life would mistake it as love
Everyone in his life would mistake it as love

Do I sound mad?
Well I guess I'm a little pissed
Every action has a point
Five points make a fist
You close em
You swing em
It hurt when it hits
And the truth can be a bitch
But if the boot fits
I got an idea
You should get a tattoo that says warning
That's all, just a warning
So the potential victim
Can take a left and safe breath
And avoid you
Sober and upset in the morning
I wanna scream Fuck you Lucy
But the problem is i love you Lucy
So instead
I'm gonna finish my drink,and have another
While you think about how you used to be my lover
(Fuck you)

Yes
Yes it is

And everyone in his life would mistake it as love
Everyone in his life would mistake it as love...



Word...

The Three S's of Wine

Swirl, Sniff, Sip

Cruzin'

It's amazing how mind numbing a stretch of highway is at 2 in the morning. You can still pay complete attention, but your mind wonders in so many directions. It feels like an escape from reality. Just you, the car, some music and no time to worry about. There is this sense that you will never want it to end, but the minute you see your exit, you're glad to be home.

No Joke

Good friends are hard to come by.

Numero Uno

So, I really like talking to people. Just conversing about different ideas, delimas, or situations is a great way to connect with a person. Even if it's just for a minute. It can be with a friend, a stranger, a crush, anyone! Having that feeling of someone that is interested in what you have to say can really lift your spirits in ways you never could yourself.

Let me be real for sec. Most people would agree to think that the person who wont shut up about shit is annoying. Make sure you listen before you speak.